Somatic Release: What It Is & How to Support It

A few weeks ago, my husband and I made the hardest decision that pet parents ever have to make. Our sweet bear, Logan, was a golden retriever. For nearly 13 years, I had the privilege of being his mom. My handsome boy was one of my greatest teachers, giving me many lessons on unconditional love, patience, and compassion. I loved Logan with all my heart, but his health problems, particularly dementia, took as much of a toll on me as they did on him. And in the days that followed his passing, I experienced a variety of sensations: body aches, fatigue, diarrhea, and chills, to name a few. But I didn’t panic; I knew that everything I was feeling was not only normal, but healthy. Those symptoms were a somatic release that I desperately needed, more than I even knew. 

Our boy Logan, playing his final game of fetch.

What is Somatic Release?

Logan was always a high-maintenance dog, but as he aged, he needed more.

More supplements. More medication. More monitoring. More accommodations. 

And as is still the case for most women, I handled the vast majority of that care. I’ve spent years cultivating deep body awareness and mastering the art of stress management. Nonetheless, I still didn’t realize just how much “Logan stress” was accumulating in my body.

• Meal timings. 

• Pill timings. 

• Monitoring Logan’s water intake due to his “aquaholism.”

• Keeping him calm.

• Weighing fetch time v. arthritis pain.

• Constantly cleaning the water feeder because Logan loved his own poop.

• Dealing with the ever-present stench produced by our sweet Sir Farts-a-Lot.

Just thinking about it all as I write this post has my body tensing up. And that’s because, after so many years, Logan & his needs weren’t just a part of my everyday life. They were literally hardwired into my nervous system & embedded in my body’s tissues. That’s just how stress works. As a woman who’s healed tremendously from Complex-PTSD and all the physical illness it created, I know what stress can do to the body better than anyone. And even still, I wasn’t quite prepared for the intensity of the somatic liberation that came with saying goodbye to my baby. 

Somatic release is simply the release of emotional & physical tension from the body. It’s a very positive, healthy process. However, it can be scary if you don’t know it’s happening. Even for those of us who understand it, emotional release can be very unpleasant. Why?

Because in order to release all that stress & pain, you first have to feel it. And that’s more than some people can bear.

But I knew from countless hours of shadow work & trauma healing that the only way out was through. So I made a plan to let myself break down. 

How to Support Yourself Through Somatic Release

Giving yourself the space & grace to just feel for a while is the key to navigating somatic release after a very stressful event, the end of a prolonged period of stress, or both. For me, that first meant planning Logan’s passing with intention. I scheduled the appointment for a Friday. My husband was on leave & I had nothing on my calendar. And a Friday appointment gave us & our other fur babies the weekend to grieve & start adjusting to the new normal.

Next, I took preventive measures to minimize the stress & grief that Logan’s younger sister, Natty, would feel. Because if Nat’s stressed, I’m stressed. I made sure I had her herbal calming treats & medicine on hand in case of a nervous tummy. I bought her a new toy & special treats. We also planned to take Natty to her favorite park over the weekend.

I rescheduled errands & postponed lunch with a friend. I gave myself permission to skip a networking event. I planned our meals through the weekend & bought the necessary groceries. 

And that’s where the planning ended, because stress around planning was exactly what I needed to release. But I needed to plan just enough to let myself crash when we came home from the vet’s office without our boy. 

For the next three days, I let my body feel all the pain, all tension, all the stress it had been storing up for the last couple of years. It came in the form of overwhelming fatigue, achy hips, chills all over, and an upset stomach. I gave my body what it needed, which meant…

I didn’t chug caffeine to keep myself busy & avoid the pain.

I didn’t drink or pop edibles to numb the pain.

I didn’t take painkillers to block the pain.

Instead...

I accepted & embraced the aches. 

I put on my fluffy flannel robe (with an embroidered pawprint) to keep warm.

I curled up with our cats & let myself rest when fatigue took over.

I got out in nature for that long walk with Natty.

I gave my own tummy comforting, but nourishing food. 

Maintaining Your Calm After Somatic Release

By the following Monday morning, I felt like a boulder had been lifted off my back. Everything in me felt lighter and the worst of the grief was gone. But I wasn’t out of the woods yet, because the human brain does not like change.

The brain will seek out familiar patterns, even if those patterns are terrible for us. 

My body had just released a tremendous amount of stress, but my brain was accustomed to a higher level. So I had to make a very conscious effort not to fall back into the old pattern that would raise my stress level back up. For instance, that afternoon I fed our cats their dinner as usual. Two hours later, I noticed there was still some kibble in their bowls. And I panicked.

“Is there always some kibble left in their bowls around this time? Does it usually take them this long to eat? Are they feeling a delayed stress response? Should I use the calming spray?”

That’s as far as my brain got in the approximately 15 seconds it took me to say, “Nope. I’m not doing this. They’re fine. It’s fine.”

And it was. They just took a little longer to finish their dinner that night. The same thing happened a couple days later with Natty. Early summer was very humid here in Maryland, and it was tough on Natty with her husky coat. By the end of August, she developed a minor yeast infection in her left ear. And what did Mom do when Natty started scratching her ear?

Yep, I panicked. My brain was pushing harder this time since it lost the first round, so it took me several minutes to come to my senses. Again I said, “No, not going there. I know how to handle this.”

And I did. I made an apple cider vinegar wash & cleaned out Natty’s affected ear. Then I brewed & cooled some green tea and mixed it with a natural anti-fungal cream, which I squirted into Nat’s ear for a week. Lo and behold: ear infection healed, Mom’s peace maintained. 

There’s one other key to ensuring you don’t fall back on those familiar stressors after somatic release: minimize opportunities for triggering. 

When we got home from the vet’s office, I placed Logan’s collar, harness, & leash in his crate for Natty’s sake. I hoped that it would help her understand what was happening & support her grieving process. But beyond that, I cleared away reminders of Logan. This may seem callous to some, but it was necessary for our healing over these last few weeks. 

I cleaned up the water station & removed his bowls. I removed his plastic food tote from the kitchen. I deleted all Logan-related reminders from my phone. I submitted his final insurance claim & cancelled the policy. And while I didn’t take down all the photos of him around the house, I unconsciously made sure not to look at them. It’s been almost a month now, and I still haven’t been able to frame his paw prints just yet.

Like I said earlier, all that stress around Logan was wired into my nervous system. So after he passed, every reminder of him, no matter how small, sent a spike of cortisol through my bloodstream. So surrounding myself with tangible reminders would have suppressed the emotional release I needed and maintained that high level of stress. In letting go of those reminders, I still allowed myself to grieve for my boy, just without the stress. 

In short, somatic release is nothing to fear. It is essential to the healing process & an opportunity for reflection & growth. And allowing yourself to just let go & feel isn’t weak. On the contrary, sometimes it’s the most empowering thing you can do for yourself.

If you're interested in booking me for a speaking engagement on somatic release or another wellness topic, contact me here.